i almost cried.

or i shld said tt tears well up in my eyes. but i managed to kept them back. yesterdae (2 hours ago) was one of the closest moments i came to crying. eva since ipho. i promised not to cry at e airport unless e person leaving mi is nv going to come back here. to singapore. but yesterdae. i almost lost my control becoz it suddenly dawn on me tt e pple who i sent off will not be able to meet me on impulse for a movie, shopping trip or juz plain hanging out for the next few mths or even a yr. i guess i reallie have severely slow reaction.

when boon2 left. it came as a shock as i wasnt informed of her flight. when nana flew off on mondae. it was getting into me n i felt this sadness. when xiu li flew off 2 hours ago. i was reallie quite sad. becoz i guess over e yrs. i hav grown reallie close to her.

writing a 3 pages long letter (a5 size) to her n recollecting all our shared memories from sec 2 till now. i guess we hav reallie come vry far. n tinking abt all these shared memories remind mi how close our nanyang 4/08 clique is. we tried as far as poss to meet for christmas celebration every yr and exchange gifts. e encouragements shared during exams. e 'bickering' in sch. e laughter shared as lame/cold jokes are told. e nicknames tt we had for each other. all e spastic things tt we do even though we (excluding me) r fairly intelligent beings. but now. some of us hav left/r leaving n i cant help but wonder will our frenship last since all of us r caught up in our lives.

but once again. i shall choose to believe in ourselves. becoz i will be much happier if i do. n why shld i invite more troubles/worries for myself?

spending e past 2 nites in e airport until 11pm w e staying clique has being a great experience. partly becoz everywan has become more n more nonsensical w alot of lame/cold jokes up their sleeves. but it also reminds mi tt no matter wat happen. i noe i hav this group of frenz to turn to. becoz we worked fantastically well w each other under all circumstances. this type of bond is vry hard to forge w aniwan else.

i wish u all the best for your future endeavours dears. n i shall end off w my fav phrase...muz remember to miss me arhz!

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 12:52 am

alrite. i m still alive n kicking. juz in case aniwan wondering where did i disappear to. heez. basically last wk i dun hav internet access. therefore i cld go online in sch onli. i was practically nonexistent on msn messenger. hahaz.

had stomach flu. had diarrhea 5 times in 12 hours time. u can imagine how bad tt was. cld barely walk after each 'battle'. n in turn. i missed my econs quiz on thurs plus my marketing presentation. n i feel quite bad abt it. sighz. n to make matters worse. i cldnt make up for my econs quiz. so my first quiz percentage is transferred to my 2nd quiz. so now. e weightage of my 2nd quiz is 20%. great. this is juz great. which to sae. if i flunked my 2nd econs quiz. it will badly affect my gpa for econs rite. sighz.

n e eva intelligent/clever me broke my glasses/spectacles yesterdae. excellent. so now i had to make a new pair which cost mi $220. i m getting even poorer now. seriously. i juz spent like 60% of my tuition earnings on my glasses rite. but i shall feel slightly happier becoz my new glasses is quite nice! hahaz. maybe one dae i may not wear my contact lens animore. heez. but e bad news is i will onli receive it next wk so i hav to survive w my broken glass lens held together with 3M sticky tape for at least 5 daes. sighz.

n how glad i m tt e much anticipated semester break is here! but i dun wan to tink abt sch re-open becoz in tt wk i hav my statistics quiz 2 on tuesdae. marketing n organisation behaviours assessed presentation (each 20%) i tink on thursdae. french role play assessment on fridae. tis is juz excellent. n becoz of tis. my break is non-existent. mondae i have marketing presentation preparation. tuesdae i hav ob presentation preparation. n for e rest of e wk. i may hav another marketing n ob preparation. furthermore i will be in e airport on mondae. tuesdae. n thursdae evenin to send my dear frenz off to UK. so i practically hav no time! urghz! i still want to read thru my textbks...

but to tok abt sumting gd is tt i m still keeping in touch w sum of the delegates. n truthfully speaking. receiving an email frm them is reallie a great feeling! hahaz. i do hope this will continue becoz i dun wan to lose touch w them. i m always in a vry happie mood every time i received an email frm them :D

n i met up w my ny clique to celebrate xiang2 birthdae n also a get-together b4 2 more gurlz leave for uk. e absence of boon2 is kinda weird but i hope she is doing well in duke now. on mondae. nana. my piggy sister. will leave for UK n on tuesdae. my gurl arhz. will leave for oxford. n our clique of 11 gurlz will hav 3 external branches. hahahaz.

i guess airport reallie does seem to become my 2nd home liao at e rate i m going. hahaz. sending pple off is reallie quite emotional but i guess w technology we can always catch up w each other :)

wanted to sae other stuff. but i cant remember now. maybe when i do remember. i will write them down again. tt's all for now. need to study.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 10:27 pm

can you sing a song with me?

there is this song. which till date. no wan can sing it well with me. partly becoz i always cannot find e correct key. hahaz. or i will be laughin halfwae thru e song becoz of sum silly stuff. but i reallie like tt song alot. so i reallie reallie wish that i will be able to sing it nicely one dae. at least once in my life.

looking at e hundreds or i shld sae thousands of gurlz. young n not so young. queuing up in e hot sun. trying to catch hold of a fleeting dream. i kinda respect their determination and courage. i will never do that. hahaz. even though i always like to complain how badly others sing on live tv. heeheez. simply becoz i can nv gather e courage to do tt.

why do pple always think and behave so rigidly? why cant they accept sumting that is not e norm? n becoz of this. alot of pple hav their dreams dashed. or squashed and hidden sumwhere deep inside e heart. n most prob will nv be heard/seen again in their lives becoz of e rejection.

i like to surround myself w sounds. n juz let myself drift. to think without thots. to float without restraints. n in search of tt inner peace.

i need to work harder. simply becoz i did badly for my tests. i need to study more. n practise more. statistics was horrible n french is not much betta. n i need to stop getting panicky before tests/exams. becoz i will blank out during the tests/exams.

i m desperate. or tt's how my sis view me. hahahaz. becoz e other dae. she was asking mi if there is ani cute guys in business n i flatly replied no. then she asked me do i like ani guys in sch. n i said no again. she continued by askin mi if i hav make a trip to e engin faculty to hav a look at e guys there. n i felt reallie amused so i replied no once more. n she started to tell mi tt if i dun look for a boyfren soon. i will end up w no wan becoz i wun hav time when i m working. n i juz replied by saeing i dun c e need. hahaz. simply becoz she is married w a child now = my parents hav a grandchild to play with now.

plus my bro is getting married at e end of e yr. so a few yrs down e rd. i will hav more nephews n nieces to play w = my parents hav more grandchildren to fuss over. n during my bro's weddin. e whole extended family (on both sides) plus my parents' millions of frenz will be invited. so in a 'chinese' wae. they hav alrdy achieved sumting. therefore i dun c e need for me to find sumwan n jump into a relationship n get married n... since both my bro n my sis hav alrdy/going to fulfill the requirements. juz let mi drift along ba...

i tink i shld tok less starting now. heez. time to do more than tok. tt's all for now.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 11:33 pm

pai sehz abt my MIA (missing in action) stint. was abit busy nowadays. abit only. an example will be how i am going to spend my weekend.

2molo (or i shld sae 2dae) - saturdae

will be meetin dreyz n e rest of my squadmates frm nynp for breakfast at bishan junction 8. after tt i will rush all the way to boon lay jurong point to meet up w elaine (my rotaract club fellow business n finance head) to do our workplan and other admin/organisation stuff. after which i will chiong/run/fly to orchard for dinner w my bus 2 pple at 5.30 pm. so i will be going from woodlands (my home) in the north to bishan (in e central) to boon lay (rite at e west) before endin up in orchard (central/south of singapore). lucky singapore is small or else i will reallie die frm so much travelling.

n my usual sundae will be morning to afternoon tuition. since i hav 2 consecutive tuitions at 2 different places. will onli reach home at 4 plus to 5pm. my niece will be home ard 6 pm. so will be busy playing with her etc until she leave the house w my sis n sis in law ard 9 pm. can someone pls tell me how m i going to do my work/tutorials during this weekend?

n to make matters worse. i hav a statistics quiz on tuesdae. and till now. i still have not complete a single tutorial. oh my goodness! i think i am going to fail. beside stats quiz. i hav a french test on fridae. n e worst part is. my pronounciation n hearing for the french language is horrid! but i hav dictation for the test. someone pls save mi!

n actuallie i m kinda afraid now. becoz i found myself going back to e routine i hav when i was in rj. e kind of stonin n staring into space n wasting time n basically doing noting when i shld be doing tutorials. e kind of 'heck care' feeling. e kind of 'it's so hard. why shld i bother to try' mentality. n this is seriously not good. seriously. i dun wan history to repeat itself. i promise myself to work hard in university. i even cleaned up my room (though it's nt exactly completed yet) so tt i can do my tutorials on a proper table. i m reallie afraid now. i need all e marks i can get. i need to pass everyting frm quizzes to presentations to final yr exams w flying colours. i need to n i muz. n i will. hopefully.

n being in e main committee of a cca (rotaract club) is reallie no joke. i can feel e amount of work coming now. and i am onli at e beginning. e planning of our business and finance divsion's workplan. n it doesnt reallie help tt i live in woodlands n travelling takes up so much time. but luckily i hav my dear papa. =D

and toking abt my papa. he's reallie cute and adorable. wahahaz. coz he's vry gd at smsing. so wheneva i wanna tok 2 him. i will sms him. so recently he asked mi to help him buy parking coupons. those monthly type. so he smsed mi asking if i had bought e coupon for this mth. and i replied 'yahz' and my papa sweetly replied 'ok thanks DARLING'. n juz for ur info. my papa call me darling (until my niece came along. n i m demoted. hahahaz) n he capitalise e word 'darling'. heez. tt's y i luv my papa. n muz reallie thanx him. coz every time i hav to stay back in sch for rotaract stuff. he will come n fetch mi. or else i may reach home at 12 midnite can. reallie become cinderella liao.

n horz. i realised that the exchange program in ntu called INSTEP (you can guess e full name yourself) offered exchange to...AUSTRIA!!! hahahaz. summore e one and onli university tt it partnered in austria is e vienna university of economics and business administration which onli e business sch students can apply...n tt includes mi! yeahz! but e prob is. i need to learn german. n i m learning french now. which is like e wrong subj. hahaz. oh well. i will have to die die make sure tt i learn german next sems. n if i reallie go...i can go find markus! christian! n e rest of e austrians n take a train to croatia to find my croats!!! yeahz!!! i m so excited manz. hahaz. but i cant apply yet. will be applying next sems n hopefully can get it! wooho!

to tok abt sumting more sentimental will be mi sending off lala on 25 aug last wk lahz. sighz. i m going to miss lala alot. coz dun noe why e 2 of us always end up hanging out together. hahaz. we get to noe each other thru 'the organisation' (which i dun feel like toking abt now) n we continued n strenghtened our frenship during ipho. my nickname is 'lala' too. i m going to miss saying 'lalalalalala' non stop in front of lala to irritate her. n juz hanging out together. i wish her all e best for her studies n of course. muz remember to miss mi! hahaz.

ok. enough of my nonsense. tt's all for now. n becoz i m trying to practise my french...au revoir pple!

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 12:48 am