i thought i was going to die on Thursday. 12 july. just like that.

no i m not jesting. i really really thought i was going to stop breathing just like that because every breath i took hurt so much. i believed that my body/lungs were going to stop taking in oxygen because of the pain associated with it. and that was a frightening thought.

but i guess it's not that easy to die after all. but yahz. it gave me the fright of my life and most probably scared my clique to the max because i just walked off suddenly halfway in the meal to vomit in the washroom.

oh well i survived and i am still alive and kicking. but yahz. if i died. i will become one angry ghost/spirit. simply because i still have not done anything in my life yet! i have not work to provide for my parents. or see the world or pursue my dream. it's ridiculous to die just like that. and i believe i have not maximize my full potential at entertaining people with my happening yet hilarious life. so yahz.

and though i doubt my life is happening in the previous entry. it has proven once and again that my life is indeed happening. hahahaz. the least expected thing always happen and i guess this is what life is lahz. full of shocks and surprises.

went to see the doctor the next dae after my 'near death' (or so i believed). went to the polyclinic after like 2 years. hahahaz. just for your information. i make my way to the polyclinic and spent the better half of the day queuing to see the doctor only when i have some serious condition. haz. because it's easier for me to get reference to specialist clinics/hospitals.

so what happens is. no 1. i have some muscular problem. no 2. i have GERD. gastric reflux tinggy. and the doc wanted me to go for endoscopy and chest x ray. i don't have much problem with the x ray since i took so many x raes before. but i have serious misgivings undergoing an endoscopy. because i have seen how it's done and the discomfort associated with it.

but i definitely doubt the theory of GERD lahz. because i don't have any heartburn. and the pain didn't occur during my sleep or what. and it lasted for more than 10 hours. yahz.

it was quite irritating that it spoils my day with my clique. the first time after so long that 11 of us are at one place to enjoy a meal together. sighz. but it does make me feel very happy that though we graduated 4 years ago. we are still so close! i luv you all lotsa!!!

and i had changed job. because my dear supervisor at nuh sacked me on my 10th day at work. at 4 pm sharp. 1 hour before my let off time. truthfully speaking arhz. i was really shocked lahz. but since she's e supervisor then i guess i can't do anything about it. hahahaz. ah keow is more agitated than me. but oh well. i am so used to life. and everything negative associated with it. that i don't really care what happen to me liao lahz. when i first got this job i thought that finally. life is been nicer to me. but haz. i knew it will not last long. it's too good to be true. so yes.

but the funny thing. we met ryan for lunch that day and i was happily telling him that we can have lunch together for the coming few weeks. hahahaz. it must be him! hahahaz. bring bad luck to me! wahahaz.

therefore. i am now working at mount elizabeth administration. doing a project on the discharge process of mount elizabeth and east shore hospital. it's not bad. and my supervisor is very nice. so yahz. i am happy. except i have abit of wardrobe crisis since i need to wear quite formal. but overall. it's a good experience. so if anyone happen to be popping by orchard. you can date me for lunch! hahahaz.

met up with zhang xin and celebrated her birthdae. heez. we bought her a frisbee that almost resulted in me losing my way at clarke quay. oh well. but yahz. attendance is not that bad lahz. hahahaz. and it's good to meet up with our dear bus 2 slos. and it's 1 year anniversary liao. i miss you all so much!

and before i end off now. i shall write down what my sister told me one fine day. not so long ago.

she said:

i must continue to live well because i am a miracle. a medical miracle. i must continue been a miracle to provide hope for those who have the same illness as me. therefore i must live life to its fullest.

but one day. if i died. then you will have to take care of en xin (my niece). are you willing to do that?

and it just struck me how brave my sister must be. to live with the knowledge that one day. any day. she will suffer a relapse and die.

i didn't know at that time. all i remembered was that i was 11 years old. my sister spent 6 months of her life in MICU. she was very bloated with water and she had to rely on machines to breathe. my father spent every night sleeping outside the MICU on a fold-able chair/bed. my mother spent every morning and afternoon at the MICU caring for my sister. my brother spent every off day he had from NS at the hospital. as for me. i was deposited at my neighbour's house until my mom came back from hospital.

and one day. my brother came to the school to fetch me to the hospital. because the docs told my parents that my sister might not make it through that day. i don't understand a single thing that time. all i remembered was that my sister kept on writing on the little board she had. that she wanna go home. with wateva energy she had.

i couldn't recognize her at all. and the room was very quiet. except for the beeping of the machines.

now i understand. because at that point of time. all her major organs were affected. her heart. lungs. liver. kidneys. colon. even brain. she won the battle because she refused to die i think. partly because she was very young then. 19 years old.

she is an inspirational story to patients suffering frm the same illness. she shouldn't have children by right. but by left she was pregnant and so she went ahead. knowing clearly that she might not survive the pregnancy. she will not have another child after my niece because her body can't tolerate another pregnancy.

but yes. she is my life model now. because she embraced life and she lived it to its fullest despite all the dangers. and i do hope that one day. one day i will be able to find out the cause and the cure of the illness and let her have the chance to see her own grandchildren. because i believe this will be the greatest wish in her life.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 8:39 pm