i guess i am really a very selfish person. a very very selfish person.

my papa went to A&E today because of giddiness. This is like the 3rd time or more ever since he was diagnosed with irregular heartbeat and ear imbalance. he looked really paled and weak when we saw him. luckily the blood tests turned out to be fine and there were no irregularities. if not he would have to be hospitalised again.

and i realised how easy it is for me to lose him. how not-infallible he is. and suddenly how old he is.

maybe as compared to others' parents. he is considered fairly young at a age of 56 this year. but he had such a bad vice of chain smoker that it made him aged way faster.

my brother dropped everything to drive my mama and me to the hospital to see my papa. and he willingly waited for my papa's blood test results to be released. he even volunteered to drive my mama and me home first.

and then i realised all the sacrifices he had made over all these years. i always tell pple that i am glad that i m not him because of the responsibilities resting on his shoulders. he must have dreams like anyone out there. but i had never heard him mention them. i guess they are safely tucked sumwhere in a fond corner of the heart becoz he knows that there are way too many important things for him to do instead of chasing those dreams.

and it struck me wat a selfish brat i am. i have the life that my bro and sister never had. i have the luxury to spend 5 months irresponsibly in europe. doing nothing but playing. they never have. and to think i m still thinking of playing now. thinking of going on grad trip.

perhaps you will never understand. because you have never gone through days of poverty. living on others' kindness. because you have not seen your parents falling in front of you. because you lead a blessed and loved life that you shld really cherish.

it will be unfilial to leave my papa and mama to work overseas. because ultimately i am the one who still stayed with them. who do not have another family to look after.

it's time to tuck those faraway dreams nicely in a fond corner of my heart. and maybe one day. when the time is right. they will have the chance to be fulfilled.

in the meanwhile. i need to pay more attention to my parents. because i never know when it might be too late.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 11:42 pm